A few months back, I had lunch with my friend who
was in a new relationship. This chic was definitely
enjoying the relationship especially all the t’ibi related
things. It might come as a surprise to most men, but
sometimes, we ladies like to brag about your
performance in the sack. If you like, don’t put all your
effort into it. Inugo? Anyway, she gushed about
‘Superman’s’ performance to the point where me sef
dey wonder whether lie lie nor dey the matter .
Yesterday, we met up at Shoprite, Ikeja and after
asking about life and work, I asked after Ogbeni
Superman. I was surprised to hear that The Fool
(hitherto known as Superman) had been dumped. When
I asked her what had happened, she responded by
saying he was not a very sharp guy, he was lazy, his
wahala was too much etc. I teased her by saying haba ,
shebi the guy na Knacker Lee, all the small wahala no
suppose matter. Abi, how you check am? She just
hissed at me and said sex is not everything in life.
On my way home, I began to think about it and
wondered that if great sex was not enough, then what
could be? I had pondered over this and today, in a
church filled with many old couples, it clicked. I
wondered how many of these old men could get their
Joes up in a heart’s beat and how many of these Jills
could juice again.
I realised that there had to be more to an enduring
relationship than great sex. Yep, you guessed right, it
is great FRIENDSHIP. It’s friendship that will keep you
together when the kids and teeth are gone because,
that I-cant-get-my-hands-off-you phase will
definitely come to an end. Friendship is the key to an
enduring relationship, not sex.
I can imagine many people rolling their eyes and
saying ‘yeah right, you don’t know the type of psycho
I am stuck with’ but as with everything else in life,
baby steps are key. Here are some easy steps towards
starting / rebuilding a great friendship with your
significant other:
Forgive Easily: This is easier said than done but
there is no use being with someone you cannot
forgive. People are bound to mess up, you should
learn the art of forgiving. Retaining past hurts only
leads to bitterness. Think about all your great
friends. Do you know how many times they have
messed up? Do you know how many times you
have been able to overcome it? Why not do the
same for your significant other?
Communicate: Learn to communicate with them.
No, not yell, or recount past offences, but really
listen and talk with your partner. Learn not to judge
his/her past, friends or decisions. Work hard at
remembering that the both of you are from different
backgrounds and can never have the same views
on everything in life. This will encourage them to
be more open with you. Transparency is a great gift
to receive and give in a relationship.
Learn to enjoy their hobbies: So, she’s a queen at
watching home videos and you are a sports billy –
all football matches must be watched. You would
both have to learn to find something to enjoy in
each other’s hobbies. Even if it to silently gawk at
all the hot studs chasing after the ball. The reason
for this is that you would both get to spend a lot of
relaxed, quality time together when you share your
hobbies.
Laugh with and at each other: To put this more
simply, share a joke and tease each other. Laughter
is food for the soul and who better would you want
to share this with? Humour would help to form a
better bond and diffuse tensions.
Choose your battles: To say there would be no
issues would be a lie. However, not everything is
worth going to war over. Concede to some, let
them win. This prepares you for the day when he/
she hits your hard limit and you quietly inform them
that this means a lot to you. They, in turn, would
realise that ‘this girl is not a wahala someborri, let
me allow her have her way’.
With all said and done, both of you should realise that
nothing good comes easy and building / maintaining a
friendship in a relationship takes a lot of work and
time.
Loss of friendship does not mean that there is no love,
it could be because many of us have learnt to take our
partners for granted. We have learnt to prioritise every
thing else because ‘s/he will understand if I have to
attend to this/that before them’. At the end of the day,
kasala go burst. Therefore, rebuilding a friendship is
important.
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